submerged

i stood in the shower today for longer than what was necessary. it felt so good to let the hot water beat down on my back.  the weather was particularly cold and blistery today and it made escaping to the warm haven of the shower wonderful. i stood with my back to the shower head, my hands on the back of my neck, head down, eyes closed.  the water steadily washing over the back of my head and down my shoulders.  i tilted my head back so the hot water would run over my face. my ears became clouded as water rushed off the top of my head.  it gave the illusion of being underwater.  it was so peaceful. so quite.  i could have fallen asleep standing up. being underwater is so comfortable.  your body is suspended in the water, weightless. your mind can unwind in the silence that envelops you when you are floating under the surface. such a serene place, i let my mind wander.

the dramatic side of me crept to the surface: if you are under water and you take a breath, it will jolt you out of your nirvana and set your lungs on fire. one breath will send you sputtering to the surface in full panic mode. it will make you forget how to swim and lose your sense of direction.  it will make you regret ever getting into the water.

the path my thoughts had taken shook me out of my warm daze and made me shut of the water.  i am terrified of drowning.