everything but the kitchen sink

**i have been a huge slacker [well, i've sort of had an excuse, i was sick for the last 5 days] and haven't posted everyday for NaBloPoMo. BUT, i am doing the super-duper-mega-huge post i promised days ago and including all of the topics that i missed. don't be scared, i'll keep it short. so, without further adieu....

wednesday, november 4 - frenemies
a topic everyone can relate to. we all know people that we can't frickin' stand, who we wouldn't normally touch with a ten foot pole, but we are required to be civil because of work or common friends or they're your significant other's friends, or whatever. "friends" because you have to be. i have a hard time being nice to people i frickin' hate don't care much for, so being a "frenemie" is more than challenging.

thursday, november 5 - if i could have one gadget named after me, it would be...
i have no idea. it would most likely be something that is a quick read, doesn't require much patients and serves a very useful purpose. why would you waste your time with anything else that didn't fit those specs?

friday, november 6 - health care & health bars - any connection?
i don't know what kind of people are coming up with these topics, but i am not impressed. anyway, they are both about health? hello? health care is overpriced and never as good as you think/want it to be. and so are health bars. done and done.

saturday, november 7 - orange
for real? hmmmmm ok for this one, things that are orange: oranges [duh], shorts at hooters, the "publish post" button in blogger, an awesome plastic chair i own from the purdue health center circa 1970, a tiger without stripes, clock work orange [not the color orange but a delightfuly effed up movie], basketballs, goldfish crackers. that's all i got. oh, and the word orange is one of the only words in the english language that doesn't rhyme with anything. hmph.

sunday, november 8 - conspiracy theory
i'm convinced that the government is one big, gigantic conspiracy theory. they know so much more then they let on or that they tell us. all these movies about aliens and transformers and secret organizations. totally believable and real. i mean the idea that the government has been hiding these things for years and there are super secret departments with top security clearance guarding optimus prime 5 mi beneath the surface of the earth. why is it so hard to believe? our recent history is based off of the ignorance of the american people. for example, 9-11, you don't think the government knew about that in advance? if you answered no, you would be wrong.

monday, november 9 - past
past. i am a big "past" person. i reminisce often. i still laugh at memories i have from college, drum corps, high school, grade school even. we learn from the past. from bad/good relationships, run-ins with the law, things we learned in school, by testing our alcohol limit, everyday human interaction. we are who we are today because of our past. our past shapes our future. the past can be 10 years ago, 10 days ago, 10 minutes ago.

however, dwelling in past events isn't healthy. we can't change anything that has happened, so there isn't a point. you really have to wonder though, and i know i do sometimes, what if? what if i would have pursued my love of dance and went to a different college? what if i wasn't perpetually 5 minutes late? what if my parents didn't get divorced? what if i didn't luck out and find a job last may? what if? there's really no use in doing that either, but it's interesting to think about. like one of those books that lets you choose what happens next; should you go down road A or B? Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads... :)

My bad day

Sooo I know I said that I was doing a super duper mega post today, but it turns out I lied. My car drama is now buy a new car drama. Ughhh. The problem with the car will cost almost as much as it's worth so i've been advised to junk it. On top of it, I got the flu today! Whoo hoo for me! At least I'm posting something everyday to keep up with NaBloPoMo. Even if they are meaningless.


-- Post From My iPhone

Potential New years resolutions...sort of

So this is a fake post. It's just taking up today's post's spot since I can't actually post about today's topic. It's a long story. Car drama. I'll spare u the craziness. Tomorrow I will be doing a super double post! Get excited. Today's topic is "potential new years resolutions". I'll just say that in my 15ish years of making resolutions, I have only ever kept one. Quitting smoking in 2004. My fiancé asked that I stopped and I pretty much quit cold turkey. [pat on my back] I'll post about more NYE resoltions tomorrow along with the ever intriguing topic of frenemies...


-- Post From My iPhone

unique holiday tradition

sooo i thought long and hard about this topic and couldn't come up with a single holiday tradition that could be deemed "unique". silly, strange and ridiculous, yes. but unique, not so much. the only thing that i guess might be unique is the fact that i, more or less, have to suffer through two of each holiday bc my parents are divorced. i have two birthdays, two thanksgivings and two christmases. sure this may sound awesome, but let me assure you, it is anything but. i think it would be fine if i got a full day with each family for each holiday, but again not the case. i have to split the day and cut my visiting with each side of the family short. only getting to see uncles and cousins that i see strictly on the holidays for just a couple short hours. when most get excited to go christmas shopping, bake cookies and listen to christmas music the day after halloween, i begin to dread the upcoming holidays. the guilt rolls over me like a frickin steam roller as i start think about splitting my time and having to leave one family early and see the other family late. it makes me sick to my stomach....theres that irrational behavior again. i guess you can kind of call me a grinch...but i dont want to ruin it for other people. i guess a grinch in my own head?

that being said, i cant imagine not being with either side of the family for the holidays. thinking about missing out on one sides celebration makes me really sad. everytime i consider "well maybe ill do thanksgiving with mom and christmas with dad this year", it always comes up a wash bc i ALWAYS choose to do both. holidays aren't holidays without my family.

and NOW i have my fiance's family that i need to work into the equation. they live 5 hrs away so that makes it even more complex. this is the first round of holidays where i've had to split among 3 families. ill let you know how that turns out.

**i sort of thought of something that i guess could be called a tradition. every year that jeff and i have been dating, i have bought him an ornament for the christmas tree i hoped we'd have together one day. i tried to always find a picture ornament with the year on it so we could look back and laugh at how we looked through the years. this is the first year we will have our own tree and finally get to use all of the ornaments. the thought really does make me warm and fuzzy inside :)

Irrational Fears

i am trying something new this month. a coworker (jenalo) asked if i wanted to participate in this "blogothon" for the entire month of november. i said sure, why not? the idea is that everyday there will be a new topic, each submitted by different people, and i have to post a blog about it. whether its just a sentence, a photo, a full entry or whatever. i think it will be fun and im excited to start! if anyone else is interested, just let me know. ok...entry 1....

irrational fear.

now, i'd like to think all of my fears are rational. wouldn't we all? i have a fear of heights, fear of the dentist, fear of boats, fear of flying, fear of losing loved ones...i'm starting to sound like a freak. but i think they are all legit fears. allow me to elaborate on why i think they are, in fact, rational fears...

fear of heights. i developed this fear later on in life. being up high never used to bother me. now i am terrified. i still love rollercosters, i dont understand the limitations of this fear, but even if i did, id still be afraid so what difference does it make. this fear definately limits my experieces. when i was in italy, we climbed 400+ stairs in the cathedral in florence to the lantern on top to see a breath taking view of the city. i got to the top and i was frozen. i clung to the wall. i couldn't move. my fear had paralyzed me. when i tried to move i was shaking like a leaf. my friends had to pull me back inside. i think a fear of plummeting to my death from a 600 year old 400 ft. dome is a perfectly rational fear.

fear of the dentist. i have always disliked the dentist. the smell, the sounds, the pulling and scrapping and flossing. no thank you. this fear came to a head about a year a go when i was there for my routine annual cleaning. the idiot dental hygensist found a cavity and made an entirely too big of a deal out of it and freaked me out. saying things like "oh my god, its huge! how did you not feel this?" now, for real? my stomach flipped flopped and i got all sweaty as she showed me the cavity with a mirror. i freaked out and had an anxiety attack. luckily, my dad's girlfriend works at the dentist office and came in and settled me down. i was crying and hysterical and shaking....i guess you may call this irrational behavior. the actual dentist came in and took a look at the cavity and said that the hygienist was wrong to make such a big deal over it since it was actually not that bad at all. i wanted to punch that chick in the mouth. i refuse to let her come near my teeth now.

fear of boats. this is also a recent fear. im a good swimmer. i always have been. i have never had a scare of almost drowning or known anyone that has drowned. i honestly dont know exactly where this fear came from. it could have possibly came from watching shows on the discovery channel about the depths of the ocean and all the crazy crap that is down there. i dont like knowing that below me, there can be a mile's worth of sharks and poisonous jellyfish, eels, funky seaweed and whatever. and to think, i wanted to be a marine biologist. i cant go for a joy ride on a boat on the lake with friends and you can forget getting me on a cruise ship. im perfectly content on land.

fear of flying. again, perfectly rational. and yes, i am aware of the statistics. flying is safer than driving. you have a greater chance of getting into a car accident than you do a plane accident, yadda yadda it doesnt matter. im still scared. when im in a plane, i cant help think about that i am 30,000 feet above the ground. 30,000 feet! i have zero control of what happens in airplane also and im a bit of a control freak these days. i start to feel claustrophobic and get sweaty and crazy feeling. yes i have had a few anxiety attacks on airplanes. my typical airplane behavior consists of me taking some sort of sleeping pill, telling my neighbor not to wake me up, no matter how fantastic the little free snack sounds, put in my earbuds for my ipod and zonk out. if there is a disturbance in this pattern, i will literally freak out. ive been better though. i have to talk myself out of my hysterics. one day i will have children and take them on vacation and i can't act like a freak when we fly.

fear of losing loved ones. i dont think i even need to explain this. we all have a fear of losing people we love. i think its part of human nature.

well this little excersise has given me a bit of a complex. i sound like a freak. i hope all this months posts dont involve self reflection. not sure i can handle it :) but i assure you, all my fears are still perfectly rational...

i WAS going to write about this crazy girl that called into the radio station i listen to every morning. the topic was irrational fears and her fear was of mustard. how weird is that? she would sooner die than eat it and she didnt even want to be near a bottle of it. she worked as a waitress and would start to have an anxiety attack when someone ordered a burger bc she was worried they would ask for mustard on it. wow, freak. at least there are people with weirder, more irrational fears than me!