Irrational Fears

i am trying something new this month. a coworker (jenalo) asked if i wanted to participate in this "blogothon" for the entire month of november. i said sure, why not? the idea is that everyday there will be a new topic, each submitted by different people, and i have to post a blog about it. whether its just a sentence, a photo, a full entry or whatever. i think it will be fun and im excited to start! if anyone else is interested, just let me know. ok...entry 1....

irrational fear.

now, i'd like to think all of my fears are rational. wouldn't we all? i have a fear of heights, fear of the dentist, fear of boats, fear of flying, fear of losing loved ones...i'm starting to sound like a freak. but i think they are all legit fears. allow me to elaborate on why i think they are, in fact, rational fears...

fear of heights. i developed this fear later on in life. being up high never used to bother me. now i am terrified. i still love rollercosters, i dont understand the limitations of this fear, but even if i did, id still be afraid so what difference does it make. this fear definately limits my experieces. when i was in italy, we climbed 400+ stairs in the cathedral in florence to the lantern on top to see a breath taking view of the city. i got to the top and i was frozen. i clung to the wall. i couldn't move. my fear had paralyzed me. when i tried to move i was shaking like a leaf. my friends had to pull me back inside. i think a fear of plummeting to my death from a 600 year old 400 ft. dome is a perfectly rational fear.

fear of the dentist. i have always disliked the dentist. the smell, the sounds, the pulling and scrapping and flossing. no thank you. this fear came to a head about a year a go when i was there for my routine annual cleaning. the idiot dental hygensist found a cavity and made an entirely too big of a deal out of it and freaked me out. saying things like "oh my god, its huge! how did you not feel this?" now, for real? my stomach flipped flopped and i got all sweaty as she showed me the cavity with a mirror. i freaked out and had an anxiety attack. luckily, my dad's girlfriend works at the dentist office and came in and settled me down. i was crying and hysterical and shaking....i guess you may call this irrational behavior. the actual dentist came in and took a look at the cavity and said that the hygienist was wrong to make such a big deal over it since it was actually not that bad at all. i wanted to punch that chick in the mouth. i refuse to let her come near my teeth now.

fear of boats. this is also a recent fear. im a good swimmer. i always have been. i have never had a scare of almost drowning or known anyone that has drowned. i honestly dont know exactly where this fear came from. it could have possibly came from watching shows on the discovery channel about the depths of the ocean and all the crazy crap that is down there. i dont like knowing that below me, there can be a mile's worth of sharks and poisonous jellyfish, eels, funky seaweed and whatever. and to think, i wanted to be a marine biologist. i cant go for a joy ride on a boat on the lake with friends and you can forget getting me on a cruise ship. im perfectly content on land.

fear of flying. again, perfectly rational. and yes, i am aware of the statistics. flying is safer than driving. you have a greater chance of getting into a car accident than you do a plane accident, yadda yadda it doesnt matter. im still scared. when im in a plane, i cant help think about that i am 30,000 feet above the ground. 30,000 feet! i have zero control of what happens in airplane also and im a bit of a control freak these days. i start to feel claustrophobic and get sweaty and crazy feeling. yes i have had a few anxiety attacks on airplanes. my typical airplane behavior consists of me taking some sort of sleeping pill, telling my neighbor not to wake me up, no matter how fantastic the little free snack sounds, put in my earbuds for my ipod and zonk out. if there is a disturbance in this pattern, i will literally freak out. ive been better though. i have to talk myself out of my hysterics. one day i will have children and take them on vacation and i can't act like a freak when we fly.

fear of losing loved ones. i dont think i even need to explain this. we all have a fear of losing people we love. i think its part of human nature.

well this little excersise has given me a bit of a complex. i sound like a freak. i hope all this months posts dont involve self reflection. not sure i can handle it :) but i assure you, all my fears are still perfectly rational...

i WAS going to write about this crazy girl that called into the radio station i listen to every morning. the topic was irrational fears and her fear was of mustard. how weird is that? she would sooner die than eat it and she didnt even want to be near a bottle of it. she worked as a waitress and would start to have an anxiety attack when someone ordered a burger bc she was worried they would ask for mustard on it. wow, freak. at least there are people with weirder, more irrational fears than me!