I can't sleep. I'm not even tired. Do I know Tyler Durdan? Given the last few days I should be exhausted. I was, about 4 hours ago, but then I made a big mistake. I sat down on my bed with my laptop and headphones ready to watch ONE episode of DEXTER season 2. 4 hours later I am still awake and four episodes farther into the season.This show is like heroin. I can't get enough. It's disturbing really. Dexter's character should not be so appealing, but like a car wreck, I can't look away. For those that don't know, Dexter is a blood splat analyst for the Miami PD by day and a serial killer by night. He is also a sociopath. I am drawn to this story like a moth to a flame. I don't know what it is. Right now as I am writing this, I have a nervous stomach because I want to know what comes next.
He is so smart and organized. Compulsive some would say. He is also void of caring about how others feel. I wish I could be that way sometimes. Not care how others feel. Not feel myself. Not worry about doing the right thing or what it means if I hope for the wrong thing. It's f*ed up, but having the kind of organized power that he does is intruiging. Is this what I want? What I am? A murderer? Hell no. I can't stand the sight or smell of blood.
I do find myself rationalizing his methods. Harry's code. He only kills other murderers. Cleaning up the city's garbage. Kind of like a super hero right? Except Batman and Spiderman didn't chop up their villians, stuff them in industrial garbage bags and throw them into the ocean to hopefully never be seen again. Almost, but not quite.
I am jealous that he can't feel feelings. I wonder what that would be like. How much time I would save. How it would change my life.
This is the crazy shit that you think about when you are up way past your bedtime. This is what makes me lose even more sleep and my concentration. This is ultimately what gets me into trouble. Maybe Dexter and I have more in common than I thought.
-- Post From My iPhone
If I see that you are stocking up on plastic wrap I will be scared but until then I'm not worried. Haha.
ReplyDeleteit's always appealing to not feel feelings when the feelings you're feeling in the moment are bad.
ReplyDeletefollow me?
just remember all the good feelings; love, happiness, friendship. those are the feelings that make feeling things worth it.
hang in there girl. maybe try some Tylenol pm next time you can't sleep :o)
I don't get it. Why does he kill other people if he doesn't feel anything? And why is it in particular other murderers?
ReplyDeleteBut I have to say, just reading your post, I've gone from "No way I'm watching this" to "Hmm now you have me intrigued".
And I know how it can be painful having feelings but like I was telling my friend the other day, it's a blessing. It's those feelings that push us to help out someone in need, or allow us to "be in his shoes", and make us appreciate life, find joy.
Don't you think so?